that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize