im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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