We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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