sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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