dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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