I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
