Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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