My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
