This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
