There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
