he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
