Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
