In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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