Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
