I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
