idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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