you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
