I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
