WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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