On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
