It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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