I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
