you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
