Swine flu. Run for my life!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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