Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
