I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
