dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
