tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
