I have demons in me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
