Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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