Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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