I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
