Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
