Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
