i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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