the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
