And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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