Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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