i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
