There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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