non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i out mim tonsoeep
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