i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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