I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
