is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize