I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
