Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
