Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
