I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
