sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
