i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
