I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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