im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
