so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
