I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
