:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
