She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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