No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize