We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
