so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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