Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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