At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bring money and cleavage
You took a bar mat shot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
