I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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