Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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