You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
