you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Success! We fucked roommates!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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