We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
