i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize