Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
