hell yes lets make some ravioli
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
