I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
