whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
