It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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